I don’t even know what to say about what happened last night. Its like I don’t matter to anyone. I’m just soo tired of it. I needed Sean last night more then ever. I just don’t know. We almost broke up last night, i mean i really didn’t want to be with him anymore last night but i love him too much. Well I don’t know what to say anymore so this is all for today.
Today was a little better. I got drunk last night and I needed it. Well maybe not drunk but more like buzzed lol. Scott came over on his lunch and we had great sex lol I love having sex before work.
So when this week started i got 8 and a half hours now i got like 20 something. I hate when they give me shit for hours, its just a big waste.
Going to kelly’s tonight for some dinner and I can’t wait to get out of the god damn house.
Another thing that just pisses me off is having suck fake whorish friends (well just one). She said I changed or that Scott changed me. No, I don’t hang out with you anymore cause you are 1. a whore. 2. you make EVERYTHING about you. 3. you lie allll the damn time. 4. you can’t just hang out with me. There’s ALWAYS a new guy every single time. How are you so damn lonely when you slept with almost the whole town. and last but not least 5. you are the most fakest person I have ever met. You crave attention and drama. And thats why I want nothing to do with you. You copy everyone else and you can’t even have your own life.
I needed to get that out and if she read this, I just won’t care anymore. Well that is all for today I kinda want to take a nap. Bye =D
Ever felt like you were always alone. Well welcome to my world. I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years now and I never felt so alone. I lost all my friends, I have no one to talk to, no one to tell how I feel without making everything about them. I’m just so tired and over it. I guess thats why I made this blog because I just need to get everything out without someone making it about them. It just gets so depressing when your alone. I’m not at all suicidal. I mean ever since my best friend that actually gave a crap about me and listened to me and actually talked to me died last year I just fell so empty and alone. And no one and I mean no one can ever take his place. He was once in a lifetime best friend and now he is gone. And still after one year without him, I still have no idea what to do with myself. I am still completely lost and I don’t think anyone, not even Scott, can find me. Today is just a very emotionless day for me and I just wish with all my heart for someone to come find me. Its like I’m screaming from the top of my lungs and no one is coming to find me. I can’t sleep at night anymore not even with my sleeping pills cause i just lay awake on my bed and think. Like I said I’m not at all suicidal but sometimes I wonder, am I better off? I just want to be and see Sean again. To hear his voice, to see his smile one last time. Then my life will be complete. Its funny how i can be an open book but no one knows how I truly feel. Maybe I’m a better actress then I thought.
